I appreciate who you were and how much you grew. Truthfully, I still embody many of the traits you came into high school with, negative and positive.
You wanted to fit in so badly. You worked harder than anyone else, just for people to like you. You worked hard to keep people who were not worth your time. You strived to seem perfect and lost yourself when people cought a glimpse of your bad side. People being mad at you was not an option. You would throw everything away, happiness included, to get people to come back to you. Maybe it was selfless. Maybe it was prideful to think that everyone could like you at once. No matter. You are past that now.
You cared so much about what others thought. You passed strangers in the hallway and wondered what every last one of them thought of you. It sounds crazy, and it was, but it was all you thought about for two years. I wish you knew how loved you were. Loved by an awesome God, a supportive family, and great friends. I wish you lived by Proverbs 31:30 sooner - "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised."
Boys do not matter as much as you think they do. Cliche, I know, but you really do not need a guy to make you happy. In fact, choosing the wrong guys will cause you more pain than you deserve. You will grow and get past every mistake and heartbreak, and you needed them to make you stronger. To make you resilient. To make you choose better next time. To make you realize your worth and identity in God. Do not lose sight of those things.
I am proud of you for working hard in school. The bad grade does not matter as much as you think it does, but looking back, I think striving for near perfection wasn't always a bad thing. It got you to where you are now. I am especially proud of you for being so involved in your high school and community. You did activities that meant something to you, and rarely did anything just for a college application. Colleges accept you based upon your grades, extracurriculars, and essays. They accept you for the story you tell. If your story isn't authentic, how can you have confidence you are going to the right place? I can confidently say, without having even started college, that you are ending up exactly where you are meant to be. So take a deep breath and relax a little.
I want to end on a positive note, because you were doing a lot of things right too. You shared your faith boldly and proudly. You loved everyone and made sure they knew it. And at the end of the day, that is who you are. A girl, trying to share her faith in the best way she knows how. Sure, you were bullied for it and sometimes it didn't come across as you had liked. But Jesus was there for you through it all. And He is there for me now. Your purpose has not changed, but you have. You are even more equipped to complete your purpose, because you've surrendered all the hurt and pain and self doubt I talked about before.
We got this.
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