There's this rule that I completely made up called the one year rule. The rule is you get one year post breakup to wish them a happy birthday. One birthday each, and then you are officially removed from the obligation, or rather the privilege, of ever speaking to them again. If you’re lucky, their birthday will happen soon after the breakup. Because when it constantly hurts anyways, what’s the harm in one birthday text? Then you’ve gotten it out of the way. and although that sucks because you have no reason to text them ever again, it also frees you to never text them again.
But for the unlucky ones, their birthday won’t happen immediately. So you’ll keep their special day in your back pocket. Keep it with you always like the ring on your finger nobody notices but you. You keep their birthday as the taught and thinning string that holds you two together for the time being. You remember the birthdays you spent together and how you would plan the day out so meticulously but it never went according to plan, just like your relationship most of the times. You remember how no matter how many things went wrong, you still had the best day, all because you got to spend it with them and appreciate them more than normal.
And then when their birthday comes around, you will think of them. You will realize it’s their birthday month and then you will realize it’s a week away and then you will realize it’s nearly here. You will fixate on what to say to them, running through every possibility. Your only form of interaction, so you better make it count. You plan and plan thinking of everything you could possibly say. Do you say that you miss them? Are you closed off and subtly rude because you’re still hurting? Do you ask them a question hoping they’ll say “how about you” so you can experience a flicker of normalcy again? Do you say anything personal at all, about past birthdays or memories or inside jokes you hope they haven’t forgotten? You think through every possibility. But when the day comes, you realize there’s only one way this can go. And you land on this: Happy birthday ____! I hope you had a great day. You send it later in the day. One for your own peace of mind, but two because you don’t want their birthday to be spent thinking of you. You hope for a response but understand one may not come. And then that’s it. The tether snaps and there’s nothing left holding the two of you in this limbo of planned online interactions and expectations of conversations to come. You very well realize this will be the first of many birthdays they will spend without you by their side. You wonder if they’ll text you the same thing when your birthday comes around.
Rest assured that if you send them that message (following the one year rule, of course), you did the right thing. You didn’t let anger and pettiness get the best of you. You texted anyway. You kept your selfish desire to make them miss you to yourself. You stayed true to yourself and wished them a happy birthday. Not because you hope they’ll think of you, but because you really hope that they have a happy birthday. You wont know if they did or not, and that means you did something right.
You will get in bed that night and realize the clock has passed 12 and it’s no longer their birthday anymore. It’s just a normal day. And you pray that next year on that very same day, their birthday will become just a normal day to you too.
Happy birthday ___! I hope you had a great day
**I wrote this short essay exactly a year ago. It felt fitting to publish it now. Here's to knowing that their birthday does become a normal day.
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