Plans Change

I have spent the last year writing a poetry book.

I haven't written a poem for it in awhile, so I think that means this project is probably over. At the beginning of 2022, I made it one of my goals to publish this book in some way. At the very least, I wanted to compile all the poems into a journal or a book to give to my friends. I put images of poetry books and one of my poems on my year vision board, determined to make this dream a reality. But lately I've been feeling different about it.

This book encompasses a whole chapter of my life. A chapter primarily filled with love, heartbreak, and recovery. At one point, I felt like this book was the only thing that could really understand and encapsulate my feelings. It's called "a journey's end" because that is what heartbreak felt like at the time. Last year, I thought I wanted people to know my hurt so they could hopefully relate to it and feel less alone. But plans change.

It doesn't feel right to put the book anywhere now. I haven't been hurt or sad or angry for awhile, and I don't think those poems need to go anywhere other than the exact moment I was feeling those things. But I would like to share one of them, because this book really did mean a lot to me. Honestly I don't know what the point of this blog post is, but I think I just wanted to say that plans and dreams can change just like emotions do, and growth can be broadcasted but it can also be a personal triumph. Celebrate that with the people close to you and then move on because there's not enough time to reminisce on the past when you have a wonderful life to live in the present. So yeah here's a poem I'm proud of and scared to publish but grateful for a platform to do so.

perfect love

when i think of my first love

of course i think of him

but with him comes pain

so instead i will think of how it felt

the innocence of falling

romanticizing love

to the point of it seeming perfect

the aching deep in my chest

when we were apart

even when we were together

forgetting all mistakes and sadness

to keep feeling in love

looking back

there are many things i regret

i find myself angry

that i let so many red flags pass me by

but in a way

my first love was perfect

it fell perfectly into place

and it was perfectly complacent

and it was perfectly blind

and it left me perfectly heartbroken

in the end