I have spent the last year writing a poetry book.
I haven't written a poem for it in awhile, so I think that means this project is probably over. At the beginning of 2022, I made it one of my goals to publish this book in some way. At the very least, I wanted to compile all the poems into a journal or a book to give to my friends. I put images of poetry books and one of my poems on my year vision board, determined to make this dream a reality. But lately I've been feeling different about it.
This book encompasses a whole chapter of my life. A chapter primarily filled with love, heartbreak, and recovery. At one point, I felt like this book was the only thing that could really understand and encapsulate my feelings. It's called "a journey's end" because that is what heartbreak felt like at the time. Last year, I thought I wanted people to know my hurt so they could hopefully relate to it and feel less alone. But plans change.
It doesn't feel right to put the book anywhere now. I haven't been hurt or sad or angry for awhile, and I don't think those poems need to go anywhere other than the exact moment I was feeling those things. But I would like to share one of them, because this book really did mean a lot to me. Honestly I don't know what the point of this blog post is, but I think I just wanted to say that plans and dreams can change just like emotions do, and growth can be broadcasted but it can also be a personal triumph. Celebrate that with the people close to you and then move on because there's not enough time to reminisce on the past when you have a wonderful life to live in the present. So yeah here's a poem I'm proud of and scared to publish but grateful for a platform to do so.
perfect love
when i think of my first love
of course i think of him
but with him comes pain
so instead i will think of how it felt
the innocence of falling
romanticizing love
to the point of it seeming perfect
the aching deep in my chest
when we were apart
even when we were together
forgetting all mistakes and sadness
to keep feeling in love
looking back
there are many things i regret
i find myself angry
that i let so many red flags pass me by
but in a way
my first love was perfect
it fell perfectly into place
and it was perfectly complacent
and it was perfectly blind
and it left me perfectly heartbroken
in the end
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